Dear Kellie, My adult daughter is dating a man I cannot stand. Everything about this individual annoys and irritates me. My daughter is beautiful, smart, educated and gainfully employed. This man is under-employed, uneducated and crass. He says the most obnoxious things. He has no manners and is overweight. There is quite literally nothing I like about him. How do I get my daughter to see that he is no good for her and she deserves so much better? I barely spend any time with my daughter now because I despise who she is dating. This is breaking my heart. Please help me figure out a way to separate my daughter from this useless human being. Determined Mom Dear Determined, Wow. First let me address the way you are speaking about someone to whom your daughter is attached. “Useless human being” seems harsh by any standards. You listed out every bad quality he has without tempering your comments with any good things to say. Your demeanor in your letter has me concerned more about you than your daughter. Instead of ripping your daughter’s boyfriend apart, why not sit down and ask why she loves him. Ask her to describe him through her eyes, and then see if anything begins to make sense. Unless he is physically abusive or dangerous, your dislike of him, because you don’t think he is good enough, truly just doesn’t matter. The bottom line, Mom, is your daughter was not brought into this world to appease you. She is here for her own reasons, and like it or not, she is seeing this man. Not spending time with your daughter because of who she is dating sounds very much like conditional love, rather than motherly love. Let go of the resentment and spend as much time with them as you can. You may just find yourself enjoying the time, rather than merely enduring it. How you react to this is on you. You may very well find yourself losing the beloved daughter you say you are trying to protect. Kellie is known for her good advice, humor and as the author of “Advancing Backward.” Contact Kellie at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

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