If you have been reading my columns for a while, you know by now that many times my misadventures have been a result of my “creative” methods of tackling problems. Even as a young child, I always looked for more interesting ways to accomplish tasks. I remember one of my early inventions was a series of lawn rakes tied together that I planned to use to triple the amount of pine straw I could collect in every swoop of the rake. Unfortunately, once tied together, the rakes would have required a 275-pound man to drag them anywhere. Thus, the invention of a huge labor-saving device was thwarted.

It was fairly clear to my parents early on that yard work was not my talent. My mother redirected my energy to household chores, beginning with everyone’s favorite, cleaning the bathroom. Her cleaning product of choice was good old Ajax. After a few futile attempts to get any real action out of that powdered product, I had a brainstorm. Perusing the bathroom shelves, I commandeered bubble bath, a dab of toothpaste and a good shake of my mother’s dusting powder.

I had some powerful action going in the toilet until she poked her head in the door to check on my progress. Her first clue there was a problem was the mountain of bubbles flowing over the edge of the toilet. Then there was the trail of Cashmere Bouquet Dusting Powder across the room. I didn’t have to clean the bathroom for a while after that. Other consequences of the event have been repressed and I am still working on that with my therapist. Unfortunately, my mother’s shortsightedness has ultimately cost us a fortune. Little did she know at the time that I had invented Scrubbing Bubbles.

I was reminded of that experience yesterday as I attempted to mop the dusty tile on my screened porch. I started with a large bucket of water and a little dab of dishwashing liquid with pathetic results. Ah, not enough soap. Easy solution - more detergent! This is where my plan went astray. I have always belonged to the school of, “If a little is good, a lot more is better.” Not so good with water and detergent.

As I dumped a large bucket filled with water and detergent onto the slick ceramic tile, I quickly discovered that old slick flip-flops can become powerful gliders. Actually, they become out-of-control powerful gliders. I don’t think my tail bone is broken but let’s just say, I will be standing more than sitting for a while.

An Obituary for Mother

The doctors had never seen a case so severe. The poor woman died from mother abuse. Further investigation revealed she was forced to spend days alone in the laundry room. Every time she thought she might escape, someone threw in another dirty load. She began to sniff Spray and Wash for kicks and couldn’t remember if the Downy went in the washer or the dryer. The children wrote her epitaph: We miss you Mother; nobody gets out grass stains quite like you.

Diane Blanco
Author: Diane BlancoEmail: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Comments (0)

There are no comments posted here yet

Leave your comments

  1. Posting comment as a guest. Sign up or login to your account.
Attachments (0 / 3)
Share Your Location