Upon occasion, I have been known to bake bread from scratch, attempt to grow my own herbs and vegetables, and make my own clothes. I have never, not even once, considered making my own shoes. Yet, while touring Hobby Lobby, (How else can you describe a trip there? It has taken me less time to traverse foreign countries than to weave my way from one side of that behemoth to the other), I discovered that yes, I can make my own shoes.

Let me re-phrase that. Someone else can make their own shoes using a really cute, handy dandy espadrille shoe kit. They are stylish, inexpensive and I am sure you are throwing this newspaper down right now and beating it for your car to get over there and buy a dozen kits. Please go ahead. I will not think badly of you.

I, too, have succumbed to the same disease born of sniffing way too much of that E6000 craft glue. It would be difficult to pick which one of my craft projects made me crazier; hence the brand, Krazy Glue. It could have been the padded picture frames which were totally adorable – on the outside of the craft kit. The fabric never lay straight. The stuffing was always lumpy and the finished project looked like it was made by a first grader.

Those are now located in the bottom drawer of my dresser, right underneath the darling sunsuit I almost made for my daughter when she was two. I say almost, because it would be just perfect if it had buttonholes, elastic and was hemmed.

The same goes for those cool necklaces you make using unmarked dominoes decoupaged with intricate designs. The first instruction on the package should have been a clue I was out of my league, “Drill a 5/16” hole in the end of the domino.” You may remember the time I tried to hang a drapery rod using a drill. Not pretty.

Ditto for bake-your-own Christmas ornaments using homemade dough. I might have gotten the proportions for the ingredients wrong because all of my little ornaments just exploded into large red and green pancakes dripping over the side of the cookie sheet into the oven.

Darling jars filled with layer upon layer of multi-colored sand became darling jars filled with gray sand. Paint-your-own T-shirts was my most successful craft project, as I now have possibly the most colorful dust rags in town.

My friend Ronda, who recently learned to knit, is confident that I could learn to knit as well. I don’t have the heart to tell her that I once took a knitting class and created what I affectionately refer to as the “never-ending scarf.” It’s in the drawer with the sunsuit.

I just happen to have some minor issues with technical instructions. They are too technical. I need simple descriptors, like ‘Cut a big wide circle,’ not ‘Your circle must be 6 and 7/8 inches and sewn on the bias using a 3-millimeter zigzag stitch.’ Maybe some of us are meant to be consumers, purchasing crafts and supporting those who can craft. Because after reviewing my 2020 bank statements, I think I may have finally found my area of expertise. All you crafters can thank me later.

 

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Diane Blanco
Author: Diane BlancoEmail: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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