If you were here at our meeting last week, we handed out awards to those Texans who made 2007 either forgettable or unforgettable, depending whether you had a sub-prime interest loan on your house. Now we continue with the search for America’s Idle before Texas Monthly steals our material for its Bum Steer Awards. The Dial M for Malpractice Award: When Steve Spivey, a 44-year-old patient at Abilene’s West Texas Hospital, went into respiratory arrest following an operation, doctors called 911. Boob Tube Category: Tyler station KYTX-TV allowed Lauren Jones to prance around East Texas in high heels, tight tops and miniskirts, gathering stories for the station while making a reality series called “Anchorwoman.” The show was quickly cancelled. Dumbest Idea of 2007: After hearing widespread accusations of pedophilia at its facilities, the Texas Youth Commission sent nine investigators to look into the charges. All nine were accountants. Words’ Worth: UT-Austin researchers discovered that, contrary to popular myths, men and women speak just about the same amount of words each day: 16,000. Nacho Average Ristorante: Dallas-based Pizza Patron began accepting Mexican pesos as payment, generating national publicity along with hate mail and death threats. We award our annual Who Guards the Guards? Medal to three Texas National Guardsmen, sent to patrol the Mexican border to prevent illegal immigrants from crossing into Texas, who pled guilty to charges of smuggling 24 illegals in a truck and charging them up to $3,500 each. Clean-Up on Aisle Five (and Six and Seven and…): According to Forbes annual list of the world’s wealthiest people, Alice (Wal-Mart) Walton is the richest Texan with a net worth of $16.6 billion, replacing Michael Dell with his measly $15.8 billion. This year’s Texas Tea (But No Sympathy) Trophy goes to Irving-based Exxon Mobil, which broke its own record of $36.1 billion in profits the previous year by posting $39.5 billion, the most profit any U.S. company has ever made. Wail to the Chief: When SMU became the front-runner to house the George W. Bush Presidential Library, some 100 profs petitioned to keep the library from the school. It was not just the faculty that was worried. “I am concerned that if the presidential library is at SMU, the community can’t be protected from a possible terrorist attack and SMU can’t stop an aerial attack,” said Sam Boyd, University Park neighbor. Sam wins our Bunker Mentality Medal. Brazoria Mayor Ken Corley wanted an ordinance passed to make use of the n-word punishable by a fine of up to $500. He dropped the proposal when citizens both black and white said it was a stupid idea. Prof. Sheri Klouda said she was forced to leave the Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Fort Worth because, the school believes, women are biblically forbidden to teach men. The seminary says Klouda left on her own after she was refused tenure. Dept. of Coincidences: Gov. Rick Perry urged the state to sell the lottery, using the investment banking company, UBS, as a consultant, which would easily earn the company $100 million. Oddly enough, shortly thereafter Perry’s son, Griffin, went to work for UBS. The company’s vice chairman is former Sen. Phil Gramm, whose PAC gave Perry’s campaign $600,000. After Gov. Perry’s inaugural speech emphasizing peace and togetherness, rocker Ted Nugent performed at the inaugural ball wearing a shirt sporting a Confederate battle flag. Nugent wins our Rebel Rouser Trophy. Loss Leaders: Lady Bird Johnson died at 94. Molly Ivins died at 62. Quote of the Year (Understatement Div.): “It was an unfortunate mischaracterization.” – Richard Skinner, the Department of Homeland Security’s inspector general, explaining that U.S. Border Patrol Agents Ignacio Ramos and Jose Alonos Compean did not actually say they were going on patrol near El Paso with the intention to “shoot a Mexican.” They did, however, hitting a fleeing drug trafficker who had ditched 743 pounds of marijuana. The trafficker walked. The agents ended up in federal prison. We now announce the winner of our Turn Over a New Fig Leaf Award: Lubbock police raided a performance of the male dancers, the Chippendales, and arrested them, causing the sold-out audience of women to chant, “Bring them back” and “the City Council sucks.” U.S. Rep. Ron Paul once again is campaigning for president. Last time out, in 1988 running as the Libertarian candidate, Paul received four-tenths of 1 percent of the vote. His supporters win our Paul Bearers Ribbon. The highly coveted A Fine Student Body Trophy goes to Texas State University which planned to build the nation's largest "body farm" of cadavers. By burying cadavers and studying human decomposition, researchers aim to help police better solve questions such as time and manner of death at crime scenes. But the proposal was put on hold amid concerns that buzzards could endanger planes at a nearby airport. After Brian Christopher Thomas walked into an Oklahoma City bar wearing a Longhorns T-shirt, police said Allen Michael Beckett almost castrated Thomas. Many Sooners approved. Finally, our big winner is Astronaut Lisa Marie Nowak who drove from Houston to Orlando to confront a space engineer, Colleen Shipman, over the romantic attachment to Astronaut Bill Oefelein. Armed with pepper spray, BB gun and knife, Nowak made the trip wearing an adult diaper so she wouldn’t have to stop. Nowak wins our Launch Pad Award. 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